It's now been almost five months that I've been back from Ghana. I cannot believe how the time has flown right on by. The transition has been an emotional yet powerful experience. I was expecting to encounter re-entry stress and was doing the best I could to prepare myself emotionally and mentally for the transition. The reality was that despite my best efforts, I was going to experience a flood of emotion over my first months back in the states.

My first concern was to apply for grad school. I had already finished two long applications for Christian universities when I found out that although the school and professors are all Christian, it is not a Christian degree. It concerned me because I want to go into counseling but it is crucial that I have a biblical perspective and godly advice for those I counsel. On the day of my interview at one of the Universities, I found out about another school with a program that I was certian was invented specifically to meet my educational desires. Instead of being excited, I was stressed because the application process for grad school is extensive with all the essays that need to be written! On the other hand, it was EXACTLY what I was looking for so I sucked it up and applied.

Meanwhile, my grandma was experiencing severe abdominal pain and cramping as well as back pain. She went through test after test, all of which showed nothing, yet she was still in pain. Eventually, the doctors discovered a "shadow" on her pancreas, which turned out to be a tumor. I have always been extremely close to my grandma and it killed me to see her in such pain, and to have the scare of pancreatic cancer "the silent killer" was more than I ever wanted to handle.

On a Wednesday morning just a few weeks ago, I got the news that I was accepted into the Biblical Counseling program at Southern (the program that was created with me in mind). The day of celebration was short-lived as later that evening we got the news that the tumor is cancer, it's advanced and in-operable.

It's difficult to understand why God allows all this to happen, and especially now. Someone reminded me that there's never a good or convenient time for devistating news, it's always going to be in the middle of life and it's going to be painful. The one thing I know is that through it all God is still God and to Him belongs all the glory and praise. I was encouraged by Psalm 20:

May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the Lord grand all your requests.
NOw I know that the Lord saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.
Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
They are brought to their kees and fall
but we rise up and stand firm.
O Lord, save the King! Answer us when we call!

I moved in with my grandparents right after we got the diagnosis. It's been such a joy for me to get this time with them. It has been pretty depressing at times, but I have been so encouraged by the way she is taking this. When she prays, she is praising God for everything He has given her. When she is feeling pain she starts singing "This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it". Her faith in her Creator is such an example and encouragment to me.

After getting another test done, we found out yesterday that her in-operable tumor with the aorta running straight through it, is now operable. God has already performed a miracle in getting her into surgery. Praise be to the Great Physician!
We still have a long road ahead of us, and there is much prayer needed. The thing we must always remember is that God is still on the throne, and He will receive all the honor and praise through the good and the bad.

Excerpt From Journal: 9/21/09

Today was a major Muslim holiday called Selah. It's a day of prayer and feasting after 30 days of fasting. Charity and I were very interested in seeing what it's all about.... We decided that we would go see some of the action. This holiday is sort of like Easter or Christmas for Christians. The entire town was closed down, with the exception of one or two shops which were probably owned by Christians... The way the day starts is by a huge prayer gathering at 10AM. Over 90% of Tumu were dressed in their best and walking down the road. I was amazed at the number of people gathered. I didn't even realize that Tumu is that big, there were literally thousands of people walking the streets. I never realized just how many people profess the Muslim faith in Tumu, I knew it was a lot, but witnessing this with my own eyes was moving. There is such a stronghold in this place, so many people are deceived and many of them I know personally. What does that mean for me? What is God telling me to do? It all seems so overwhelming to me... This certainly was an eye-opening day for me!

PS. Not from my journal, but interesting to note, on Christmas day, town was busy as ever. Everything was open. A striking contrast to Selah Day!

Excerpt From Journal: 7/22/09

I had my first overnight village experience last night. Charity, Penny and I stayed the night in Sakau. We had a prayer meeting for the VBS program coming next month. It was such a beautiful time! Everyone was circled around at one of the compounds (around 50 people). It was late at night, so it was dark with one small battery-operated torch giving us light. Everyone was singing and dancing and praising the Lord. It's so different from a worship and prayer service at home, but it was so real and moving. No microphones, power point or instruments. Just voices crying out in worship to the Creator of the universe, it was so powerful!
After the prayer time, all of us "young people" got together and sang more songs. We had a blast singing and dancing for Jesus.

We went to sleep in a small room where at least eight people were jammed together on mats on the floor. I got to experience the "real-life" of so many Africans. The majority of people do sleep on the floor in one room with the rest of the family. You bathe outside first thing in the morning and before bed at night.

I am so grateful to God that I got to have this experience. Village life is so much different, even from where I stay in Tumu in a house with my own room and a bed. Even as a missionary in Africa where I have much less than I had in America, I find that I have so much more than I need and there is still so much that I take for granted....

Being Home

After my last post in August, the internet cafe was closed and never opened until after I left in January... that's why the last months have not been documented. I have been back in America for over 3 weeks now and it has been an interesting and emotional journey! I want to share with whoever you are that actually reads this, a bit of my re-entry experience thus far and I also am going to post blogs with excerpts from my journal that I wrote while I was in Ghana.

Before I talk about my "re-entry" I want to share about the most difficult part of being away for so long (it's actually related to the re-entry thing). I am a VERY relational person. Anyone who knows me well knows that I value my relationships with others. Being a world away from the people closest to me for such a long time was hard for me especially because there was so little communication going on. I realize that life goes on whether or not I am around (I wouldn't expect it to be any other way). For everybody back home, I was one person out of MANY that was no longer there. For me, I was taken away from EVERYONE. I felt like for them I was "out of sight, out of mind" and for me, "distance made the heart grow fonder". I think I actually cared more about the details of people's lives from Ghana than I ever did while I was home... It was very hard for me to open my email once a week to an empty inbox, especially when I took the time to write personal emails to people. Christmas was especially difficult while I spent the month of December seeing the other people on my team receive cards and gifts and I didn't get a single thing. It was harder than I thought it would be. I truly felt forgotten. I don't say this to make anyone feel guilty, in fact that's precisely why I saved this for my return, but I do want everyone to know how EXTREMELY IMPORTANT it is for people overseas to have communication with friends and family at home. Even the little one-liner email or facebook comment would make my day.

For anyone who knows anyone overseas, I urge you to communicate with that person! I know how it is being on the other side. When my dear friend Harmony was in Peru, I regret to admit that I would get the prayer updates and not read them right away, if at all, and I was horrible at keeping in contact. Being in Ghana and experiencing what she must have felt was a huge slap in the face for me. I know that life is busy and we really don't even THINK about or realize how important this is. So I am being an advocate on behalf of all missionaries and anyone living overseas or even in another state. They NEED to hear from you. Anything, no matter how long or short, just let them know that they are not forgotten. It's very important because being disconnected from home sucks!

So, for me, coming home has been emotional. Like I said, I had very little communication with friends and family during my year in Ghana. When I came back to the U.S. I was overwhelmed with all the people who came to see me. It was so good to reconnect, but if I could choose between having people come to my house when I got home or having a two-sentence email once a month while I was in Ghana, I would have chosen the later hands down... Again, I don't say this to make people feel guilty because I know what it's like to be on the other side as well, but to hopefully make people think about these things because I do think that it's not that we forget, but we just don't even THINK about this! So if you have a loved-one overseas, take the time to send a short email, or even better, real mail to let them know they are loved.

I'm not trying to be a downer, because I have absolutely loved re-connecting with everyone. I am still on a journey. Coming back is hard because everything is so different from what I've gotten used to, and I would still truly value your prayers during this time of re-adjusting to life here in America.